What is that feeling when you're driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? - it's the too-huge world vaulting us, and it's good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies.
― Jack Kerouac, On the Road

I need a blog again.  Lacking one, the start of this new journey will largely be posted here.  Last week I was back in Missouri cleaning out my parent’s house.  No one should ever have to make the kind of choices that forces one to make.  Which items are those you should keep?  In a time when most people want less stuff, how many generations of keep sakes do we need?  Is it disrespectful to toss away every greeting, valentines, and birthday card my grandparents and I ever sent one another?  What I ended up setting aside was not at all what I expected.  Photos of course, but my dad’s buck stitch belt and the buckle he made for himself?  Why his shoe polishing kit?  The massive oak antique furniture that adorns every room, no.  I wound up setting aside far more items for extended family than items to keep for myself and my brother.  My parents felt trapped under the weight of their things.  I’ve no desire to make the same mistakes.

In the midst of this deep, long walk through memory lane I got notice of a meeting.  I was needed on a conference call that day with the Executive Director and the Chief of Staff.  Not hard to read between the lines considering it was the last day of the month.  Layoffs.  It was the first time in my life I’d been laid off or fired.  What shocked me was that the overwhelming emotion was that of relief and giddiness.  This is the first time I’ve felt like writing since I left Jargo and the sea six years ago.  It occurred to me that waking up today in my apartment in Colorado I am no longer beholden to anyone but myself.  I left Jargo to come help my father transition to the loss of my mom.  With my father gone, without the confines of the career to support me in the states, I can once again lean forward into life, adventure, and travel.

I have just under three months left on my apartment lease in Denver.  I love this city and this state and part of me is not done here.  Another part of me yearns to get back to the sea.  Yet another part wants to move simply and easily, to don a backpack and board the next train.  I am torn between being untethered to move on a whim, but craving the security of a home base where I can always return and build relationships and community.  Somewhere between the adventure to do list and the pro and con lists of restoring the old Avion camper or Jargo or buying a mountain cabin I’ll find my next path.  I know I’ll never work for anyone but myself again.  Fortunately, my own business is doing well and it is capable of supporting the next crazy ventures.

My heart is full of conflict, but there is not a bad decision to be made.  Every option is exciting and will lead to another part of the foundation of the life I want to build.  Leaning Forward.